From: Lorenzo [email redacted]
Subject: 1. New Rules for Urban Toledo Gang E-Mail Correspondence
Date: 14 February 2009
To: Urban Toledo Gang [email redacted]
1. All e-mails will be written in a numbered format.
2. New subjects and sentences should appear on a new line, with a number preceding.
3. Numbers should be sequential.
4. This should ensure that lines are read in the correct order.
5. Outline form may be used.
- Altho standard outline format calls for alternating numbers and letters based on heiarchy, only numbers will be used.
- Graphical outlines may be used, provided numbers are incorporated.
6. To save time, you may be tempted to use numbered lists.
7. This is highly discouraged.
8. By numbering each line manually, one is forced to consider each line carefully.
9. Extraneous lines shall be omitted.
10. Failure to omit extraneous lines shall result in constipation.
11. When attaching files, add numbers to the beginning of file names.
12. This is to make it easier to determine which attachment should be opened first.
13. If there is no proper order for attachments, do not send them in the same e-mail.
14. Instead, send each attachment in a separate e-mail, numbering each e-mail in the subject line based on the order they were sent.
15. When attaching pictures of your genitals, it is important to provide three attachments, numbered in the correct order:
- The first picture should be your genitals, covered by clothing. In the case of a dick, the dick may be in any state, either flacid or covered, or some combination of the two. However, it should be covered in such a way that while its shape is obvious, it could also be confused for a small cucumber.
- The second picture should be your genitals, unaroused and unclothed. In the case of a dick, playing with one’s self beforehand is acceptable, provided the dick remains more flaccid than erect. This may be necessary so as not to embarrass yourself with a small dick. This picture may or may not be work safe, depending on where you work. Not safe for work tags are highly discouraged.
- The final picture should be your genitals, aroused and unclothed. In the case of a dick, a raging boner is required. This picture may or may not be work safe, depending on where you work. Not safe for work tags are highly discouraged.
16. Failure to comply with these new rules for Urban Toledo Gang e-mail correspondence may result in your immediate dismissal.
17. Signed,
18. Lorenzo
19. Dictated but not read.
