Urban Toledo Gang

Just last Saturday night at the famouse “Threen” household, young Denny Kiff shot brother and friend Nim Kiff in the face, damaging Nim badly and causing tension in the home.  Sister Kim Kiff seemed to laugh off the incident as another string in the long line of brotherly warrior legend. The taker of this graphic photo was none other than their judge, jury, and exectutioner(aka Mom Kiff, Betsy). Betsy was quite upset but seemed assured Nims face would be restored. ” I go to one of the best plastic men in the valley for my skin grafts and nipple tucks and i’m sure Ron(Greenshell, MD) will work his magic on poor Nim. ” As for mischievous young Denny, he’s been grounded till Tuesday and can only watch TV 2 hours a day till then. The Kiff “threens” , as their friends call them, were the famously born identical boy triplets. Betsy, overwhelmed with the reality of three boys turned Kim(who was then Kip) into a girl with the help of Ron Greenshell.

Steve Fomper reports on white paranoia.

The rise of Barack Obama to the most powerful postion in the world has been a story full of integrity and high politics, and most breathed a sigh of relief as Bush flew away and Obama marched in on historic Jan. 20th. But only a few days into the presidency, a sense of subtle doubt has seemed to creep up on some of the white voters. On special task Interviewing people from all over the homeland on their thoughts about Obama, i began to see a pattern emerge underneath the prevailant optimism. In areas such as North Carolina and Alabama, I noticed small flocks of middle aged relatively uneducated white males who voted for the president but on seeing him in the whitehouse began to feel a sense of fear. In Carolina I ran into the animated Billy Cutler. A 54 year old house builder for most of his life and married with 4 kids in a strong southern christian family,Billy was a strong embodiment of midwest americana. I asked him his thoughts on the president. ” Everyone was all happy bout this president so i figured, hey, maybe this guys not so bad, america is behind him and i consider myself a patriot, so i voted for the man. But once i saw him stroll into the whitehouse i began to have my doubts, i mean shit, the black panthers still have a lot of say and all what with rap and everything and you just never know his full connections.  And he just looked so confident and sure and tall and has such a booming voice, and well, i’m rather short, insecure, and my voice is unusually high and soft because i worked installing insulation for 20 years and the dust crystals cut my vocal chords to smithereens, and i just felt momentary hatred seeing this man so much better than i. And you know Steve, the blacks are taking over, time to pack your bags.” I notice he literally does have many bags packed in the back of his modest living room. I ask him where he’s going. “Canada Steve, the last promised land for us whites except maybe Russia. See the blacks dont like the cold, like if you’ve ever seen a bee paralyzed by the early morning frost its kinda like that for em. And they’ve conquered most of our sports by this point, even got golf, and i’ve never enjoyed nascar cause its too loud, but in the north you got hockey, one of the whites last stands. And my two daughters Vanessa and Charity are always watching that mtv and most of what i see is black men racing lamborghinis and talking gibberish but my daughters love these guys.  Lets face it, they’re stronger, louder, faster, and they make more popular music. Us whites are on our way out of the evolutionary plan buddy, but god damn i’m gonna move to canda and try to forget it. I mean, maybe we’re still a bit smarter than them and we can just leave blacks the earth and the whites can explore space.” Steve Fomper reporting.

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Tony Danza for God

My name is Tony Centura, and a fellow Tony, Tony Danza,  has been a special mentor for me for quite some time now. I’ll always remember my Senior year at Cadbury Highschool East Central Fighting Badgers Memorial for many fun times, but the highlight was probably when Tony Danza came and gave an outstanding and incredibly moving motivational speech. Tony talked shop for a few hours on a variety of subjects. He opened up about his battles with cocaine addiction in 1986 while down in miami working on the short-lived soap opera Trinity Winds: Paradise Beach, and he showed us all the path for success is abstinence from drug abuse and gambling. He had a lighthearted charm that captivated throughout though, and he worked the crowd up with many funny impressions including a great bugs bunny “whats up doc” that even gave principal Pinecrust a chuckle.. He lamented about the importance of diet and exercise and showed us some awesome tricks like backflips and frog spirals, sometimes coming up to 12 feet off the air. It was awesome! But most important of all was his talk of following the right path through the maze of success, and how to put your dreams into action. He made me realize that with enough persistance and gung-ho, anyone can strike it rich and become a success. As Tony ended the speech I ran down to meet him personally and tell him how much he had inspired me. He shook my hand with the beaming energy of Zeus and told me he was glad I liked what he said and gave me a card with his website on it, then he held his big bear paw up for a high five and as our hands collided he transfered such a high voltage zap of zest into my system that my brain seemed to have an explosion and I fainted. My head hit the floor and my neck snapped slightly to the left, putting me into a coma for 7 months. When I awoke and learned to read again, I found that Tony’s big heart wrote me a personal note of inspiration in my hard times, stating “sorry bud, hope you get better soon, dare to dream, dream daring dreams, your friend Tony Danza”.  Even though the coma had confused me deeply, I slowly put my life together and realized Tony Showed me true power and it was a sign I need to become stronger. The fall had left me hunchbacked and my neck stuck out in a greusome fashion to the left, but i tried to just persevere and follow my dream to make it to hollwood and become a celebrity actor. I moved to hollywood once i learned how to walk, and I have never looked back. It was hard at first, but after a few years of doing small commercials for Magic Shops and Circuses, I was noticed by heralded horror director Mikaleli Mikaloo, and I was cast as a GremlinTroll in his newest epic “SandShatterer of the Underbeast” . My disfigured neck worked perfectly to cover the audience with a dense fear, and i was cast in many monster and villain parts after “Shatterer”. I’ve been trying to get ahold of Tony Danza for many years now to thank him for changing my life. I’ve been following all his movies and shows and interviews and with meticulous detail analyzing him and gleaning off the wisdom he seems to excert effortlessly. For the last 5 years he has not replied to any of my thousands of emails and I’ve been a bit worried he is ignoring me, but i know he’s really just busy and we are fated to meet again. Anyways, this is my story and to keep up on the latest tony info, gossip, pictures, videos, and paintings ( painted by me Tony Centura) check out TonyonTony.org           I hope you’ll join me in celebrating this modern marvel.

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before

Hi it’s Pat, Pat Murphy. I’m gonna to be comin down in here once a while to be talkin bout some of the things I find important in this world and like as well as in my head that I think of and get fascinated about . I don’t know how i got involved with the UTG nor do I question why, It’s the reality of the situation that I am absorbed in something i have no control of, nor can i comprehend the UTG, infinity is hard to grasp. Some of the things I like are: My mom, my Dad, cars, siamese twins, the letter “J”, being alone in my room, george clooney, rubberband guns, my five-banded gliding lizards collection from thiland that my aunt jenny got me 2 months ago, and probably you too friend!. Though i must say i’v a vivid man who is constatntly evolving in his tastes and interests, see i’m a meditator my sister knows some exercises and taught me this stuff and now i spend 10 to 90 minutes a day sitting alone counting my breaths and thinking bout china and i usually feel the b uddhas fingers up and down my spine after and let me tell you its electric and fun and sexy! I do find the buddha attractive though i’m not gay, and i get new thoughts for writing things that i think need to be heard by people and i also broaden my horizons toward vast seas of starfish of ideas, that is what my sister said. I’m38 years old and live in Iowa with my girlfriend Venessa and her boyfriend Kyle. I work for Conrad Industries as a Communications Advisor to the Energy Advisor of the Utiliites Advisor. It’s a boring job to tell you the truth so i’ve started writing stories and coming up with ideas and we live in a democracy so we should all be heard i think so i think my ideas might fill you up on who i am and why i do what i do. This is all for now but i have more later to tune in to!

Cheers Folks! – Pat