Urban Toledo Gang

The original UTG exclusive trailer for the winter hit Legion was never supposed to see the light of day due to a number of ‘non-disclosure’ documents I signed with my fingers crossed.  Forgive me for trying to tap into a virgin gold mine of the human condition, but I’m a patriot!

Before those hollywood big wigs added all that supernatural junk to their new film Legion, they had a much more direct approach to a very real issue.  I mean its the end of the world!  Do you really think Dennis Quaid is gonna waste his oatmeal on this honkey?  Thats enough outta you g’ma!

Here is the original trailer to what could have been a great film.

follow the link to read a transcript of an unsolicited phone call recieved by the urband toledo gang on august 25th 2009

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Fransisco Bobadilla

1) A jovial cheer bringer who, in the mid 1900s, was accused of molesting over 100 different types of feline.

Mira Franklin

1) Ben Franklin’s niece.  Ben had no kids because he was gay and it was illegal.

2) Mir’a, Mir’a, on da wall, who dat ho’, yo slip ‘er da ball! (testicle in vag)

C.S. Root

1) Coined the phrase, “Jimmy! Get outta here before she squirts on the floor!”

Coom

1) When one ‘combs’ semon in someones hair.  ex: “Get this coomed outta my hair!”

2) A salty, phalic, discharge capable of puttin’ outta eye.  ex: “I’s gonna coom in your hurr!”

Sniggle

1) Placing your completely flacid penis in either a mouth, anus, or vagina.  ex: “I’m gonna sniggle you right here in this locker room.”

Spitchcock

1) Taking the forefinger and thumb, she gently spreads his urethra just enough to let the searing hot needle enter.  Robert looks in horror as his dick just, like, explodes, yo!

2) A rare medical anomaly where, like a spitchforck, “Dat dick don sporked!”

M.F.S.

1) Matha Faga!!!  …shiiit…

2) Mutha Fuckin’ Shit~!

P.H.C.A.

1) Philidelphia High schoolers Consulting to Anal

It Fell from the Sky

1) A story about a small poor village that discovers a piece of American technology, a glass bottle.  Then Polly Shore puts his penis in it and it get stuck in this zany comedy about bottle boners.

That Sinking Feeling

1) …I got that one time me and Geofery went to the YMCA pool and when we were done he changed in front of me and it was the first time I saw another wiener.

2) All little Jimmy ever wanted was to be a pro baseball player.  Until the day he drown in a pool.

Man on the Box

1) A triple X movie where this guy eat out like 50 chicks at once.  Then blows a dude.

In Louisiana, it is illegal for a barber to apply…

1) …lip stick around a clients butthole, that way he could pretend he was making out with a chick.

2) …mustard to my hotdog! Damn son, dat barber bitch don ointmented my p-p-p-penis!

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SPIKEY MEATBALL

Its a spikey meata balla!

donta toucha da spikey meata balla!

Ita mighta cut you!

SPIKEY MEATBALL