Urban Toledo Gang

The original UTG exclusive trailer for the winter hit Legion was never supposed to see the light of day due to a number of ‘non-disclosure’ documents I signed with my fingers crossed.  Forgive me for trying to tap into a virgin gold mine of the human condition, but I’m a patriot!

Before those hollywood big wigs added all that supernatural junk to their new film Legion, they had a much more direct approach to a very real issue.  I mean its the end of the world!  Do you really think Dennis Quaid is gonna waste his oatmeal on this honkey?  Thats enough outta you g’ma!

Here is the original trailer to what could have been a great film.

Bay on GTA4

The popular online geeky column “Kotaku” reported today that Rockstar is in talks with Micheal Bay to direct the next Grand Theft Auto game. “I believe the line between film and game is beginning to blur.” Bay went on to say that he can easily see video games in movie theaters within the next half decade, “There are so many people who are content enough watching someone play a video game, why not bring that spirit of spectating to the theaters and home video?”. While theater-based video games are still to come, Bay draws comparisons between the two mediums. “Movies are lacking when compared to video games. Games are interactive and more engaging because you feel that you are there, part of the action.”

But according to Kotaku, this is something that has been done before and is only Hollywood’s attempt to break into the now booming video game industry. Jake Pulsner, Editor in Chief at Kotaku says, “There is a growing trend for filmmakers to turn well received video games into blockbusters, but it seems that more times than not they fall flat on their faces” naming Uwe Boll as a poster boy for games’ transitioning failure.”

Grand Theft Auto 4 is one of the best selling video games of all time, selling more copies in pre-orders than Halo 3 made the first 2 years of sales, previously the fastest selling game. The biggest surprise, however was when Bay announced that there will be a movie follow up of the video game he is slated to direct in late 2010. Bay concluded enigmatically by saying, “Let’s just say there be will a lot more action and a lot less worrying about what buttons to push on the controller.”

People have begun speculating at the type of film that would come from Bay who continues pushing the envelope of the Hollywood film with his most recent installment in the Transformers series, the wildly popular summer hit, starring Megan Fox. When asked if the new GTA film would be heavy on the CG Bay simply smiled saying, “We’ll see.”. Jean Reno is rumored to play the part of Niko Bellic’s cousin Roupert Bellic and will feature a fully functional motion capture controller using the PS3′s new camera. The game and film are both slatted for release in Winter 2011.

Even Kings Consult Our Site!

Sure, sure, we know what you’re probably thinking; “If you get kings to visit your site, why would you want my business?”, and that’s exactly why we want you, because you ask the right questions. I’ll be honest with you, now I don’t tell everyone this, in fact you’re the first, but I want you to know that we have a special deal going on that I’m not supposed to tell pe- no, no, I shouldn’t…well, you have an real man’s face, you know, a face I feel will keep the right information in the right place. Alright, I’ll tell you the deal, but you have to do something for me first. Just sign on this line. Pretty much what this boring document that you don’t want to waste your time reading says is that you just agree to certain guidelines on the document, lame legal stuff if you ask me so…there we go.

Ok, now this is going to sound weird but, you know what the penis is right? Ok, now imagine the inside with all of its vein and capillaries and whatnots and imagine blood going through it but the blood is really weak and doesn’t flow if you know what I mean. Now, look at this pill in my hand here. Now what this little blue wonder does is make those veins and insides and stuff in your man parts open up like, like flood gate size so blood is going in and out like a 24 hour diner on 8th Street, you know? Now, imagine your wife, you got a wife? Girlfriend? Now imagine her looking at this busy intersection and watching her eyes light up brighter than a birthday cake for Hugh Hefner on Christmas. It’s that big. I’m saying Godzilla would be jealous, shoot, Mothra would be green with envy. Now I’m not saying anything; you seem like a guy who’s got it going on, but who doesn’t need a boost from time to time? You think Obama conquered America by himself? Nah, I guarantee that he had one of these blue bad-boys in his suit jacket at all times, guarantee it, my friend.

Now, with the way that these things have been going around here, it’s hard to sell just one pack, a pack being about 48 sessions with the lady. No, one pack isn’t enough for a guy with the pizzazz of, now this was my first thought, looked like a young Brad Pitt. I’m not talking Meet Joe Black or even 12 Monkeys B.P., no, I’m talking A River Runs Through It Pittster. So what’s a guy going to do when he’s got the looks and charisma of Brad Pitt? Now this is the deal that I was telling you about: He gets the box. Right off the bat I’m not going to lie to you and I’ll say a box is 1200 sessions but let me just break that down for you real quick. Let’s say that you get going on a bi-nightly basis; you’re a busy guy, sometimes you just got some other stuff going on.  So, bi-nightly. Now you’re already at 182.5 days in the first year alone, so that’s good. And you have to take into account that charisma I mentioned earlier. So you can mark up 4 weekends on top of that year and that’s 8 more. So now you’re sitting at 10 shy of 200 which is no small beans by any means.

Looking at your face now I can hear the question coming: “Can’t I handle this on my own?”, and sure, the answer is yes, but it’s the difference between a robot making love to 50 women and then turning around and making 50 Ford Taurus’ and then going onto 50 more women without so much as a break and you making love to 50 women and then sleeping for 50 hours, you know? I’m not saying anything to your performance, but that’s exactly what I’m doing. It’s one thing to give your lady-friend a decent hand shake from time to time, sure, but it’s another thing to start playing a patty-cake game that ends in a climax that’ll knock both your socks off, if you know what I mean, my friend. I’m sure you’ve seen TV from time to time, who hasn’t, and I’m sure you’ve seen the ads that have all the warnings and scare tactics and whos-whats-its, but all of that is just sprinkling for the cake, frosting on the pizza, legs for the table; things you don’t need, but it’s sure darn good to have them. And why shouldn’t you? I’m sure you’ve been a man for most your life and it’s far from me to tell you how to live it, but I do know that 95% of men prefer to get down to business and really dive into a project like the one I’m presenting to you now.

Look, here’s something that I can offer you that I know you wouldn’t get off of a site or late night infomercials is a chance to try it right here and now. That’s what I’m offering to you now. Pop one of these pills, we’ll just jump into the alley over there and you can try the ol’ “blue rocket” out on good ol’ Jimmy here. There’s no pressure – no “hidden fees” of sorts – just your back-to-the-old-days try it before you buy it. My dad was the same way and his dad before him. So you can just lean on my trust I’ll take you all the way. Also, you can give me a reach around if you want.