New Apple computers came out yesterday and that means the floodgates have opened for all the nerds, fanboys, and media hungry businessmen to give up their shout-outs to all their homeboys. what WHAT! While the next consumer reaches out for that latest morsel of shiny goodness, apple stands ever ready behind them for the perfect angle of entry. What makes apple respectable is not their business practices, but the way they know how to navigate an economy that loves to buy things it can’t afford. HURAY! I asked my good friend Zach Klyde to fill us in on what makes this latest offering so special
sick
WHAT WHAT! Hey what’s up Zach here! No so what’s up with yall! Nah, I’m just trashin’! I picked up one of these new macbooks today because I just got the lowdown that apple was going to release some new machines next week. I’ve got the inside scoop for everyone BEFORE it hits!
First of all. These new machines look like a masterpiece waiting to happen. The all black screen is great and always popular and now the Lacquer queen has shown us some much needed love with enhanced lacquer shine to increase that depth! I challenge anyone to tell me that screen doesn’t look DEEP as SHIT! It’s also nice because I had an accident and it cleaned off nice and quick. I was checking out the underside of the machine when Tom Johnson walked into the store. That guy is a douche so I quickly dropped below the counter so as to he
That's me in secret ops.
wouldn’t sense my presence. I could tell he was looking for the new computers and since I’m Zach I couldn’t let him have it. I immediately threw the laptop at Tom’s back and it wicked slammed into the back of his head. What a crazy shot! He dropped like a pack of sardines onto a pizza. I came over and spread the sauce. Of course the apple nerds wouldn’t like it so they kicked me out. They suck anyways. I decided to head over to a local chill, the Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. They have this contraption there where you can put your cone under a nozzle that looks like a dick
sweet apple wallpaper
and make your own ice cream cones. Usually I can just put some ice cream in my had and walk away but they had a new manager there so I stopped and starred at him. I could tell he knew what I was going to do and I also saw my pictured on the wall behind him so I quickly filled up my hand with some “Hefty Chowder Blueberry Blast” and then chucked it at the guy. It was crazy hilarious as it splattered all over his face like a cream pie. I came over and spread the cream. The mall cops were on a power trip and kicked me out but not after I gave them my first amendment right! Whatever, that’s bull-shit. There was one last stop I had to make before my day was done. Starbucks. I knew this place was popular among the mac nerds so I decided to try and spread my knowledge with them. I entered the store. The lady at the register asked if I wanted anything and gave her this pretty hot “What do you think” kinda look that basically told her I wanted a Grande iced mocha with no whip. I grabe a chair, spun it around and immediately sat down next to a pretty hot chick. I told her “What’s the word on Mac.” She was into it. I could tell because she was starting to sweat. I then reached over and grabbed her leg and asked again. “What’s the word baby.” She looked right back at me and said “Why don’t you look down and find out for yourself.” I looked down and saw it. One of the new mac laptops.
Zach sig carry me out!
sweet
Thanks Zach.
Tags: Apple, Laptop, Mac, Macbook, secret undercover operations, sick, Zach